Today I wanted to share something that I’ve been thinking about a lot lately. Some may or may not disagree with me on this but I wanted to put my thoughts into words.
You see lately I’ve been thinking a lot about how we identify ourselves. After I became a Mom my idenity shifted a lot. That was all I saw myself as. It consumed me and in all honesty it is one of the best rolls I have ever had, but I often found myself lost in it.
The past couple weeks as I started marathon training I’ve felt a lot of guilt. Mom guilt is a real thing ya’ll.
Running and marathon training takes time. Of course, if your efficient it shouldn’t take forever but it does take time and that is time as a Mom you are taking away from being well…Mom. During the first week I left Easton with my parents a lot to run. After a day or two, I started to feel like I was wrong for what I was doing. My parents actually offered every day to watch him while I was gone for at most 1.5 hours (on workout days) so I knew they didn’t mind, but I felt like I was wrong for spending the time away from my son.
Now that we are back on a normal schedule most of my training is done along side my sweet boy, but somehow the mom guilt still often creeps back in. Should I really be keeping him in this stroller with me every morning? Should I be leaving him in daycare at the gym when I could try to entertain him beside me on the home treadmill? Should I really be getting him up early every so often to get our run done early?
The questions. The worries. The guilt.
Then last week I had a revelation. Sure, I’ve always known it deep down but it finally hit me. It’s okay to be selfish.
The moment we have a child as Mom’s we often begin putting ourselves last. It doesn’t matter if you are a runner or not – it happens more often than not. Between the sleepless nights, the worries, the schedules, we essentially begin to lose ourselves.
Sure, once you become a Mom in some ways your life is never the same but it doesn’t mean that you have to lose yourself entirely.
Running for me is my thing. It is my passion and one of the few things that I do entirely for myself. I run each day, race, and set goals for me and me alone. I don’t do it to impress anyone, or try to prove anything, I just do it because I know that I can be better and I want to be better!
Last week I decided it was time to change my perspective. My son will always be #1 and on any day he will trump running hands down, but on a regular day it is something that I choose to make time for me and yes I choose to be selfish.
To be the best Mom I believe I have to take care of myself. If I don’t take care of myself then everything else eventually falls apart as well. It may not today, or tomorrow, but taking care of myself has to be a priority.
Yes, some days running is selfish. I am doing it for myself but it’s to make me the best woman, wife, and mother than I can be. Whether I’m bringing him along with me in the stroller or someone else is watching him so that Mama can get some me time.
I guess my point is just to share my thoughts. For other Mamas who are hit with that Mom guilt from time to time – it’s OK. It’s OK to be selfish if it means you are looking after yourself. You need to take care of YOU too!