If you haven’t already noticed from some of my previous posts, I do a lot of thinking while I am running. It usually occurs more often on the easy runs than the workouts. There is no better time to do a lot of thinking then when you are out on the open roads by yourself.
Yesterday I had a 6 mile moderate effort run on the schedule. I was a little thrown back by not having an easy run this week, but I figured with the heat I would go off how my body felt. I would start the first half relatively easy (at least that was the plan) and then after the hills were done (about halfway through) I would try to pick up the pace slightly.
I ended with an average pace of 8:54 which I am pretty happy with for a moderate pace.
I came home and promptly made my refreshing go to recovery drink of water, Nuun, glutamine and lots of ice! It tasted so good after being out in the heat.
While I was running I started thinking about the desire for us to have things the way we want them now.
Ever since I lost my job I have been in a never ending battle with myself to find my career. I think as I see my husband getting closer to his career it makes me feel a little lost that I haven’t found my passion.
Sure, I am proud of myself for holding it together these last 7 months. I am proud that I found several streams of part time income to get us from point A to point B but it has been a constant struggle.
I put a lot of pressure on myself to find my career and find it now. The same thing happened when we found out where we would be moving and I started job hunting. I have a lot more connections where we are going, but job hunting is never a simple task. The problem lies in that I’m not sure what I want to do.
I’ve always been in the position where work and my career was a means to an end. My job was a way of keeping food on the table, the rent paid and a little cushion to enjoy a few things. I took jobs that I didn’t really enjoy because they provided our family with a paycheck.
Now as we embark on the next adventure in our lives, I was so focused on finding the one job that would be my career. The one job that would complete me so to say. However, it hasn’t happened.
As I was running this morning I began to think about why we have to have everything perfect now?
Is it because the pressure of putting us in such a hole for the past 7 months is catching up to me?
Is it because I am comparing myself to others at my age who are already well established?
Is it simply because I want instant gratification?
I decided to let it go. Just like that. That doesn’t mean I am not going to continue on the job hunt, but I am going to be open to a job that may not end up being my career. I have to be open to exploring different areas and seeing where life take us.
I may be a bit behind than others at my age, but that’s okay. I have spent the last 4 years supporting the man I love more than anything towards his dreams. That may mean that I’m a bit behind, but that’s ok. I have played an important roll for us.
Now the possibilities are open. I am going to find the best job I can for now, and if that doesn’t end up being my final career that’s okay too. It’s about always moving forward. Always progression. It may not be perfection, but it’s progress.
Have you ever had to just let something go?
What is a dream you’ve been chasing after?.