I’ve had a lot of thoughts running through my head over the past weekend.  I think because I don’t feel like I am truly being ME on this blog. Don’t get me wrong, all of this is me but I feel like it is missing something.

I have a lot of thoughts that I don’t share. I don’t want to be that way.

I want to be more open, more honest, and really let you see a bit more of who I am – the good and the bad. Even if it means not being that “happy go lucky” person all the time. I hope I am making sense this is one of those posts I am writing completely from heart.

 

I’ve always struggled with one thing. One little word that has always haunted my way of thinking, working, feeling, acting – everything. It’s always caused troubles in my marriage and friendships. That word is confidence.

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I think a lot of young females, especially teenagers, struggle with confidence at some point but I think a lot of my struggles never went away. They day I met my husband almost 9 years ago he could see my struggles already. He’s tried without fail to do everything he can to help me.

 

A spouse or significant other can only do so much for your confidence. YOU are the only one who is control of how you feel and present yourself. YOU are in control of your life wether you take it or not.

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There are things in life that are hard.  You have two choices: you can pick yourself up and move on or you can let it beat you down.  I have allowed too many circumstances in my life to beat me down and get the best me.  I have let it control me in too many ways.

 

I used to think when I was working in my previous job that I had a lot of confidence because I was good at what I did, but looking at it now the real reason was because I was in my “safe zone.” I knew my job and I could get it done. I could deal with whatever anyone threw at me because I knew I had the knowledge to tackle it.  Now that things have changed I am in an “unknown” zone and I have lost a lot of what I thought used to define me.

Guess what? My job didn’t define me. That didn’t have anything to do with who I was. 

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I have lost me. I have said it a million times but my first and most important role is a wife, however, I still have to have a meaning in myself. I still have to have the confidence to get up and make something out of this life. No matter what our circumstances even the smallest step forward is a step in the right direction.

Struggle is what defines us. It is what brings out the best and worst in us, but it is how you respond to those times of struggle that real give you the confidence to keep moving forward.

To be honest, I got stagnate. I let my situation get the best of me and I got lost. I lost ME. My husband has always encouraged me to do whatever I want to, and while I am still working to figure out what that is right now my goal is to keep moving forward, keep pushing, and keep supporting.

 

I know this post and my thoughts may seem very disjointed and just a bunch of rambling, but writing about how I truly feel is therapeutic for me. It helps me make sense of all this craziness that seems to run through my head sometimes.

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Today I am making the choice to end this ongoing negativity and battle once in for all. Am I going to wake up tomorrow and be suddenly confident? No. However, I am going to begin making the small changes in my life to make something of myself.

 

I am going to step out of my comfort zone.

I am going to focus on moving forward in my life each and every day.

I am going to hold my head up high and smile at those that pass me.

I am going to be proud of what I have accomplished and where I am.

I am going to stop negatively putting myself down, and cut the negative self talk.

I am going to focus on strengthening my marriage.

I am going to quit comparing myself to every other person I see as “successful.”

I will love me. Imperfections and all.

 

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What are YOU going to do today to better yourself?

What does confidence mean to you?

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