I have been thinking about writing a post to discuss my first full month of unemployment, but every time I’ve started it I have had a really hard time finishing. I’m not sure if I am still having a hard time accepting it or if the frustrations that have been going on in our lives lately have overtaken me.

For the new readers out there, I lost my job on August 1st.

It was unexpected and sudden and we had not planned for it at all. Losing your job is never easy for any family, but with a husband in medical school and being the only source of income it really hit hard.

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(This was an old picture taken a few years ago at my husband’s White Coat Ceremony in medical school.)

I went through waives of emotion.  The first couple days I was just sad, then anger set in, and then I went through sadness again. I didn’t understand why this was happening to us.

Medical school goes through phases and has a lot of ups and downs.  Your 4th year is supposed to be the year you finally get a break.  His big board exams were over, his residency application is in, and all he really has to focus on are his rotations and interviews for residences.  This was supposed to be a time where we could finally breathe and relax.

I was mad. I felt guilty and hated knowing the stress I was adding on my husband’s plate.

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(This was taken the morning before I lost my job.)

I threw myself into running. I have always run, but I upped my mileage and used running to escape from the confusion and sadness in my head.  I was running double digits almost every day. I did this too fast and thankfully only got a warning a few weeks later instead of a full blown injury.

I don’t really remember to much from the first couple weeks to be honest, it was such a blur of running, blogging, and trying to figure out how to handle all of this.

So where am I now?

I still have bad days, but I am trying to focus on what is important.

Today was a hard day as I got a letter from my old employer saying they overpaid me for vacation so now I owe them money. Money I don’t have. I have 10 days to pay it back and I really don’t know how I am going to come up with it.  I am trusting that we will find a way.

My husband has been amazing. This hasn’t been easy on him and this does effect him as much as it does me, but he has never once gotten upset with me or blamed me.  He has helped in any way he can and let me do what I needed to that would help me heal.

I have one possible job opportunity still on the board, but other than that there isn’t much else. I keep applying, hoping, and trying to do the best I can.

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Every day I wake up and try to focus on the important things. I can’t change the past, but I can make the best of what we have.

One of the biggest struggles with finding a job is the fact that most people figure out that my husband is in medical school and that we will most likely be moving in 8-9 months.  I can’t change this, but I will keep trying to find the right fit.

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That pretty much summarizes where we are right now. Still hoping and praying, but trying to stay positive.

I feel like this quote pretty much summarizes my life:

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I keep focusing on finding the joy in every day.  No matter the place in our lives, there will always be joy to be found in the journey!

I’ll be back later today with my weekly recap!

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